fountain time

took the four youngest kids to the fountain the other day.
they got bored quick.
hannah is getting quite tan these days,
even though i smother her in sunblock several times a day.





and this is some serious hair.
he needs a trim, or something.
but clearly it's not the top thing on my list.



my boys.
my heart.

emotion less.

trying to live today
outside of my emotions.

trying to let my choices
dictate my heart,

and allow the obedience
to be the blessing.

trying, and currently succeeding.

today is turning out to be brighter
than anticipated.

today i will choose.
choose to live outside myself.

it's hot.

really hot.
that's all i got.

father's day.

i don't have any pictures.
and i am late in posting,
by thirteen minutes.

once again,
i have failed.

and once again,
my amazing and wonderful husband
deserves so much more.

i am one of the lucky ones.

so thankful to have
the most perfect match,
the most perfect father for our children.

and i can't help but think
that part of the reason
i picked such a wonderful man,
was because of the standard set by my own father.

because of the life he leads,
he helped to shape the ideas i had of what a husband should be,

and today,
everyday,
i am blessed by that example.

honored to be the wife of steve smith,
and blessed to be the daughter of mike little.

i love you both
with all of my heart.

heading out

a weekend of baseball away...
the state tournament,
in Des Monies, Iowa.

twenty teams in Isaiah's age bracket.
we'll see how it goes.

not sure if there is Internet access.

so for now,
heading out.

paint.

wish i could.
paint.
wish there was an avenue,
that i could channel,
that would allow me to get what i was feeling, out.

it always comes up short.

and it almost leaves me feeling more weighted down...
like, no, that's not it,
i must keep trying.

i guess that can be good.
as a friend said,
living a ruined life
may just be the real blessing.

hate this part.

feeling restless.
like there is so much i could be doing,
and i am stagnant.

feeling like the needs and wants
are all jumbled up.

constantly being reminded
that i could be more,
do more.

and i don't, i'm not.

maybe it has to do with summer.
maybe my age.
maybe my heart.

maybe trying to accept the grace
i have been given,
time and time again.

still so hard to wrap my head around that one.

why, lord,
am i here..
and they are not.

why was i given so much?

to whom much is given,
much is required,

and today,
i am struggling with that.

water.

no words.
so proud of the kids in our community,
and their teachers who were willing to take a risk.

watch it here.

well, he did it.

brody managed to find a way
to get his cast removed early.

around four fifteen this afternoon,
he walked in from outside,
completely drenched.

like drowned rat wet.

i inquired, well, really, i yelled,
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

and he said he was playing with the hose.

i called the dr.
the dr. said...
(this sounds like a song)

come in,
we will put a new one on.

we only have a week and a half left to go,
and we were doing so good...

but, when we got there,
and got it off,
they deemed him healed.

and we left.
castless.

there are no pictures yet,
because i can't catch him.

differences.

i flat ironed my hair last night
before i went to bed.

this morning,
brody said,

"mom. you hair is all down.
i don't like it."

i assured him that i just did it straight for a few days.

and he said,

"please put it back together tomorrow."

micah said,

"mom, i almost didn't notice you..
i like your hair,
it's all smoothed out."

at this point i am not sure
what this all means.
maybe i will wait for the big kids to get up,
and add their input.

a few more

emily and morgan.



camille and hannah.



and me.
me with my babies
who aren't so much babies anymore.

swinging bridge...

i promised the kids that if they were good at the barn,
i would take them to the swinging bridge.
and well,
they weren't.

but it was really not their fault.

so i took them anyway.

got a few good pictures
before the shaking began.

photo shoot, or lack there of.

last october i drove past this really cool barn
it was back when my sister was visiting,
and i took a mental note to bring the kids back for a photo shoot
after she left.

well, this is iowa.
and it started to snow.
and didn't stop until practically last week.

so i told the kids we were going when their cousins came.
only, this is iowa.




and i sort of forgot
about tick infested grass taller than my youngest child,
and really, really big prairie king snakes
sunning themselves on our path.

so, i gave up,
and told the kids we'd come back in the fall...

baseball was called off..

so we took the crew to the charthouse..
and, as always,
it is hard not to have a good time at the charthouse.

the teens...

hard to believe that these girls are teenagers..
until i look at their photos.

pool time...

i have been so preoccupied with brody,
that i forgot to mention
that two of my sister's girls came for a visit..
all the way from centralia, washington.

they flew all by themselves,
and we are so happy they are here...

morgan, is 14, and like emily,
hard to get a photo of...

camille is 11, like isaiah,
and fits in so well with isaiah, hannah,
and our next door neighbor.
they are like the four amigos. :)

so fun.



oh, and the swim suits...
too funny.
the girls were thrilled
to discover that their suits matched.

the morning after...

well,
even though his mouth is three times the size that is is supposed to be,
he was still able to suck his finger.
so all is right with the world.




my baby monkey....

tonight.

flashlight tag didn't agree with brody.



i don't even have words anymore.
i am done.
please, give me the bubble now.

we tried.

we really did.
but after last night..
when brody was running through the grass,
riding his bike,
and skateboarding down the driveway,
i gave up on the splint.

or rather,
it gave up on us.



it started breaking down,
was quite, well, floppy.

so i called the doctor.
and he said to bring him in.

but i still don't think
it is going bother brody all that much.

more awards..

both hannah and isaiah received the presidential physical fitness award today
two of only six kids in the entire school
so proud.

Sauteed Kolhrabi

dinner last night.
we are completely enjoying being CSA members in Oak Hill Acres
we try new things.
and we like them.

well...
steve and i do anyway.

i don't think we have anything to worry about...

i am pretty sure that he will be just fine.

more late night ice cream in natural light

does this make us bad parents?

last night we gave the kids ice cream cones.
at ten o'clock.

but seriously,
today was field day for three of them,
and emily was watching a movie in most of her classes.

we are so ready for summer.

sprints and stereotypes

i have been sitting on this awhile.
trying to decide if i should blog it..
trying to decide if by sharing
it will do anything to change
what people believe.

and in the end,
i have decided it doesn't matter
if it will change anything.
what matters is my voice.
and if i don't speak,
i won't be heard.

we were at the 5th grade track meet,
and watching the 50m dash,
it was the second heat,
so the second fastest kids from each school were running.

one of isaiah's friends from baseball, and also school,
was in the heat, so we were paying close attention..
they said go.
and the boys began to run.
one kid pulled ahead... i mean really pulled ahead,
but about halfway down,
his shoe fell off,
he tripped, ran the rest of the race with only one shoe,
and came in second.

steve and i looked at each other, and said, what a bummer it was for him...
and then we looked a little closer.
his shoes were way too big.
like several sizes.
they weren't tied very well, and barely stayed on when he was just walking, let alone racing.

so, i was getting a bit uptight about it,
wondering why someone wasn't helping this kid..
i mean, this could be the one time in his life that he could succeed at something.
that he could win.
and no one was helping him.

we walked over to the other side of the track, and he competed in the 100m dash as well, only this time, he ran slowly, knowing his shoes were not going to stay on if he sprinted.

it made me sick.

so, when all the kids were in the stands, i walked over and talked to him.
i said, you know, you could have smoked all those guys if your shoes fit, why don't you just take them off for the next race... are you running again?

he said that he was anchoring the relay, and jumped up, and asked his teacher if he could take his shoes off.

she looked more disgusted then i have seen anyone look in a long time, and yelled, no. you may not take your shoes off.

so, i walked up to talk to her.

i said, you know, it is a shame, he is really fast, and could have won both of those races if he had some shoes that fit. do you think you can find someone to trade shoes with him, for his race?

and she said,
oh, he is just one of those kids.

excuse me? what kids?

you know, it doesn't matter how many times you tell him something, he won't listen, it's no use.

uh... mam, maybe he just needs someone to help him.

and i had to walk away.

i walked over to the boy,
who was sitting with his head hanging,
and told him to tie his shoes as tight as he could, and run. run fast.

which he did.

and he won the relay for his team.

i asked isaiah if he knew him,
and he does.
he is a boy from liberia.
he goes to our church.

and he is not "one of those kids"
no child is one of those kids.

it made me sick.
it still makes me sick.

and i don't know what to do about it.

i have such a hard time believing that stereotypes like this still exist.
but they do.
they exist even in small towns in the middle of america.

and we need to stop them.

progress...

brody's foot as of last night.



i am still going back and forth on whether i should go have a real cast put on.
the splint is starting to rub,
and hurts his heel.

i take it off when he is just chilling out watching t.v.
but he is starting to feel a bit better,
so becoming more brave with his movements.

i am torn between wrapping and unwrapping it several times a day,
carrying him most places,
so that he can get in water,
for baths, and swimming.

and getting a cast put on,
so he can hobble around for three weeks,
but watch his brother and sisters,
and cousins next week,
have the time of their lives at the pool.

any advice?

5th grade graduation

yesterday, isaiah's school had a little ceremony for the graduating 5th graders.
the recognized the kids for being in band,
student council,
things like that.
it was short, and sweet,
and when they handed out the certificates, all the teachers in the school lined up, and shook every graduates hand.
it brought tears to my eyes.
so cool.

then they had cupcakes and lemonade.
isaiah told me his favorite part was the "after party"
nice.

but he also said that one teacher hugged him with tears in her eyes,
and said,
do good things, isaiah, do good things.

that meant the world to him.
he got it.

and as these kids enter middle school in the fall,
they will know they were loved,
that teachers knew their names,
came to their games,
and cared.

that is all a mom can ask for.

sort of good news

steve and brody had their appointments today.

steve's ankle is NOT newly broken.
apparently it was an old brake that was never treated.
his foot is still really swollen.
has to wear an air cast until he feels comfortable without it.
but, no hard cast.
and he can ditch the crutches whenever he can put pressure on his foot.

brody, well, not so lucky.
he said since it wasn't a weight bearing bone,
he just wants to keep it stable until it heals.

he was hoping that the boot thing would fit,
but it was too big for his little foot.
so then he said that he wanted to cast it for three weeks.

three weeks.
with not aquatic center.

so i asked if there was any other option.

and he thought about it for a minute,
and then said,
well... we could just keep this splint on,
that way you could take it off,
to bathe him,
or so he could sit in the water at the pool...
no slides though.

okay.
way better.

so he goes back in three weeks for more x-rays.