Friday, October 31, 2008

quid pro quo

was having a conversation today
about quid pro quo.
about wanting those kind of friendships...

the friend i was talking to, agreed, and said, yes, give and take.

i had to stop and think about why that term did not jive.
was it the negativity that it connotates?
was it just the fact that it wasn't my term?

and i came to the conclusion that give and take is not quid pro quo at all.
quid pro quo is something for something.
give and be given.

it is relationship,
it is friendship,
it is equality.
it is love.

give and take is such a selfish state.
one sided.
the person giving, is the person taking.
i despise takers.

may i live my life quid pro quo with all i come in contact with.
no more give and take.

Thursday, October 30, 2008


i just don't have anything.
and i guess that is okay.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

on being

i want to be the kind of person who loses myself in the presence of another human being.
any human being.
every human being.

i want to get so wrapped up in them, and their struggles, and joys, and their lives, that i cease to exist, outside of the relationship that i am experiencing with that individual.

i want to be exhausted at the end of a visit, because i poured myself out for them, in order to be filled up by them.

i want to give myself away, so i can be available for every person i come in contact with.
every one.

i want people to know that i love them, by my actions and my words.
i want to be used.

and honest.
and lovely.

a friend.

my prayer today.

may the meditations of my mouth echo the cries in my heart.
to be real.
and whole.
and lovely.
and honest.

lord, let me be honest with myself, first.
so that i won't
judge your people, my people,
with my preconceived ideas
of who i think they need to be.
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all you need is love.

when did we stop believing that?
love is all you need... that's what the Beatles said anyway.

and really, it is.

when did it become okay with us, as a species to show anything but kindness toward our equals? why did we somehow decide that because of what you look like, where you were born, or how much money you make, you are somehow valued less?

i just don't get it.

it's all you need.
all you need is love.
practice it.

believe that you are worth that love.
because you are.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

This is long... stay with me.

...from Donald Miller

"The very scary thing about religion, to me, is that people actually believe God is who they think He is. By that I mean they have him all figured out, mapped out, and as my pastor, Rick, says, "dissected and put into jars on a shelf." You've got a bunch of Catholics in Rome who think one way about God, and a bunch of Baptists in Texas who think another, and that isn't even the beginning. It goes on and on and on like this, and it makes me wonder if God created us in His image or if we created Him in ours.

And it isn't just religion, either. I met a guy not long ago who was very conservative and had opinions all over him, and he was saying why God agreed with his political ideas and why that made his political ideas right. The whole time he was talking to me I was thinking about those guys in Africa, and I was feeling like this guy with the opinions was presenting a kind of Jesus who didn't even exist. His Jesus was just an invention of his imagination, someone who more or less justified his position concerning a lot of different political opinions. Sitting there listening to him made me feel tired. People like that should have an island.

But I suppose I can't blame him because, in my life, God is always changing the way I think of Him. I am not saying God Himself is changing, or that my theology is open and I blur the lines on truth; I am only saying I think I know who He is, then I figure out I don't know very much at all.

For instance, and as I have said, a lot of people believe God responds to formulas, but He doesn't. So that is one example of how our idea of God is always becoming a bit more accurate. And that's one of the things you notice about Jesus in the Gospels, that He is always going around saying, You have heard it said such and such, but I tell you some other thing. If you happened to be a person who thought they knew everything about God, Jesus would have been completely annoying."

Saturday, October 25, 2008

miss you....

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am i who i thought i was?


a question i struggle with often.
am i really who i say that i am? am i really who i sincerely thought i was?
i want to be so much more.
and if who i thought i was, is even less than who i really am...
i have even further to go then i thought.
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Friday, October 24, 2008

grumpy old troll

feel like the grumpy old troll who lives under the bridge today.
maybe it's the rain.
maybe it's the cold.
maybe it's because i am solo parent for a few more days.
or maybe it's just because i AM a grumpy old troll.
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Play Me

The lucky winner of the extra credit points, which mean nothing of course, except bragging rights... was Mary.
My buddy Neil Diamond's song Play Me.
Seriously. Love Neil.
Yesterday in the car I was rocking out to "Forever in Blue Jeans".
The kids thought I was completely lame.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


fifty extra credit points for whoever can finish this line...

"you are the sun, i am the moon
you are the song, i am the tune..."

no one left to be stupid with.

My sister boarded a plane at the crack of dawn this morning, to head back to Centralia, Washington. Her family misses her. We had a great time, and drove everyone around us completely nuts with our inside jokes, and continually saying the same thing at the same time.

It was really a bit strange, because we weren't friends when we were kids, at all... in fact, she used to chase me around the kitchen table with butcher knives threatening to kill me... and she moved out of the house when I was only 11 years old.
But many of our mannerisms are the same, as well as our voices. At times my kids found it difficult to figure out who was speaking.

About an hour before she left, Steve also boarded a plane. He is out of town until Monday. So now, I am lonely.
And it is raining.
And cold.
So, I think I will brew some coffee, and put on some James Taylor.
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and get this...

I paid $1.91 for E-85 fuel in West Des Moines, Iowa yesterday.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

a few more... for posterity



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The bridges of Madison County....

Well, it was a long drive. However, the company was wonderful, and the bridges beautiful.

The best part about the actual bridges, was the fact that there was no one else there.
Could have been the fact that it was freezing, raining, and gale force winds... but I could be wrong.

We DID take a picture of ourselves in EVERY bridge. :)

And most of the bridges were in the middle of nowhere.
And by nowhere, I mean nowhere.
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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

We are out.


Heading out in the morning for an all day road trip. No kids. Just us being stupid.
Supposed to rain all day....
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A good day for Brody



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Monday, October 20, 2008



Quite pleasant, and not the near death experience.
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Me and my sister.


At the swinging bridge... we had a near death experience also, at Wildcat Den... that story later.
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Thursday, October 16, 2008


been thinking a lot today about how words work. how we can, as a people, be so attached to these little letters, that somehow come together and convey meaning. hopes. dreams. they can build up. or they can break down.
words start wars.
words connect life.
it is so strange.
i am particularly affected by words. i can remember entire conversations, word for word. i can see words on a test, and pages in a book, all in my mind.
words mean more to me then gestures.
so i am going to try to begin, today, using my words wisely.
i am going to try to be deliberate in my use.
words hurt.
and i don't want to hurt.
so, be blessed by my words to you now...

thank you.
from the deepest parts of me, thank you.
you are a gift.
beauty. light. joy.
my heart rejoices in knowing you.
you are loved.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Practically heaven

Jody was telling me the other day, about this great recipe she found for making a cake in a coffee mug. I have to say, I was a bit skeptical. But then, she posted about it, and it looked good.
So, tonight I was procrastinating, because I didn't want to go to the store, so I thought to myself, this would be the perfect time to try that cake.
And I did.
And it was practically heaven.

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Three minutes people.
Three minutes to practically heaven.
It was a good night indeed.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Wild Turkey

The animal.
saw five of them today in a field by our house.
It is proof once again, that autumn is upon us. Although today, with temperatures near eighty, it seems hard to believe at times.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Last game of the season for #25

Basketball begins Tuesday.


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