this evening, i had one of those moments of clarity. (lately they seem to come less and less frequently)
my heart does not run in parallel paths. it only intersects, or it doesn't.
i either love you, or i don't. i know that sounds kind of harsh, but the reality of it is so true for me. i don't know how to "like" a person, or think that they are "okay".
i am either all in, or i am not in at all.
and lately this has been a struggle for me. i love people hard. whether i let them know or not, i am fully committed to them, their lives, their families.
and it gets a bit tricky when, for whatever reason, the other people's hearts don't love like i do.
i open myself up to rejection. and i know this, but i still can't change it.
there is not grey in my heart.
and i tend to jump too quick.
a part of me knows i need to work on pacing myself. work on guarding myself more.
but even as i type that, there is a bigger part of me that cries out, "what the hell are you here for then? if not to love with reckless abandon?"
so i still don't know which part will win out.
but i do know this, one side will win, because in everything, there is a winner and a loser. there is either yes, or it is no.
light or dark.
no dimmer on this heart.