Thursday, May 22, 2008

random exploration of the heart

warning: this is about to get personal.
do you ever have those times where you just feel stuck? like life just keeps on going around you, and you keep plugging along doing the same old thing you always do, wanting more, but feeling like there is no getting out of where you are? that's where i am. like the path you have chosen for your life, maybe isn't where you wish you were all the time? now, please don't take that the wrong way. i love my family, and love staying home, and love my husband, and love my five beautiful children, and wouldn't change this path i have taken for anything. not anything. but, i can't help but feeling like if i was alone, i would be gone in a heart beat. i would be in africa working with orphans, i would be in haiti, feeding the hungry. i would be somewhere making a difference. not stuck. i guess the upside is, this is probably the first time in my life i have felt like there are things i want that i cannot have. i have been very blessed, always taken care of, and loved... oh how i have been loved. it's just the realization that i am where i am, and right now, no matter what i do, i feel like it will never change. the life of a stay at home mom, i guess. but in my heart, i know i could be more. in my heart, the balance of contentment and fulfillment isn't so one sided. in my heart, there is room, there is room for more.

4 comments:

Lisa said...

yep i hear ya sister
i was on ngoabroad website today dreaming of volunteering my nursing and massage skills to moms and orphans

Mary said...

It seems like you and I are in the same place right now. We are circling the same issues, being called in the same ways. It will be very interesting to see where we end up, where exactly it is God wants us to be. You are not alone.

Katy said...

I am in the same place as well. Unfortunately Chris is not and most likely never will be. So... I have decided to try to make a difference in everything else that I can. And Amy, don't short change yourself. You are an incredible woman who makes a difference every day in the lives of those five kids, your husband, and all your friends.

Prayz Him Today said...

It breaks my heart to hear young moms say they're "Just a mom". You are exactly where God wants you. Your fabulous children have a fabulous mother, just right for them. Seasons always change. My daughters are all grown with children of their own. I adore this season of my life. I had to "learn" to adore that younger season as well. Be encouraged. Be content. This season, has a reason. (excuse my mush!)