No Regret

I sometimes wake in the early morning & listen to the soft breathing of my children & I think to myself, this is one thing I will never regret & I carry that quiet with me all day long.
-- story people

They're coming home! Zeke and Kora Landers are coming home!

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and well wishes... they received word this morning that they have their visas, and they will most likely travel to Sierra Leone, West Africa, to pick up their beautiful children next week!

random exploration of the heart

warning: this is about to get personal.
do you ever have those times where you just feel stuck? like life just keeps on going around you, and you keep plugging along doing the same old thing you always do, wanting more, but feeling like there is no getting out of where you are? that's where i am. like the path you have chosen for your life, maybe isn't where you wish you were all the time? now, please don't take that the wrong way. i love my family, and love staying home, and love my husband, and love my five beautiful children, and wouldn't change this path i have taken for anything. not anything. but, i can't help but feeling like if i was alone, i would be gone in a heart beat. i would be in africa working with orphans, i would be in haiti, feeding the hungry. i would be somewhere making a difference. not stuck. i guess the upside is, this is probably the first time in my life i have felt like there are things i want that i cannot have. i have been very blessed, always taken care of, and loved... oh how i have been loved. it's just the realization that i am where i am, and right now, no matter what i do, i feel like it will never change. the life of a stay at home mom, i guess. but in my heart, i know i could be more. in my heart, the balance of contentment and fulfillment isn't so one sided. in my heart, there is room, there is room for more.

and more baseball

tonight, we were in viola, illinois. don't know where that is? neither does anyone else. and for the record, it's the middle of nowhere.
 
 

new friend, and an old friend

we have a new friend, his name is george (pronounced: hor-hey). he lives in the cracks where the garage meets the sidewalk. brody loves him. micah says he's okay. i am hoping he is feasting on all sorts of little creatures near the house.
 
and, an old friend made a glorious appearing last night. i did absolutely nothing to touch up the color of this photo.
 

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain

and again...

i am asking you, if you pray, pray hard.
 
the unthinkable, unimaginable is possible. they are supposed to hear from africa by the end of the week.
 
i cannot begin to imagine the agony in waiting for news if some stranger will allow you to have your kids.
 
these babies belong here. with their family. in iowa. not in africa. just pray.
 

Tonight's festivities...

How old are you Brody?
 
 
 
 

three candles were a piece of cake to blow out
 
can you guess who didn't come out to join us for cake and ice cream? okay, to be fair, she came out while we sang happy birthday, and then disappeared again.
 

yum
 
trying out the new bat before bed!
 

Pray for Jody. Things are getting a bit scary on the adoption front.

Happy Birthday Brody!

 
Today my youngest son turns 3 years old. Again, time has gone by so fast. He came into this world almost three weeks early, weighing in at just over 6 pounds. Once again, we were late getting to the hospital, and the staff was waiting for us when we got there. This time we got checked in before they broke my water, knowing my history! Once the bracelets were on, my midwife, Laura, broke my water, and said, "Okay, just let us know when you are ready." I said okay, and EVERYONE in the room proceeded to turn their backs on me to have a conversation, or get things ready. I remember saying, "HE'S HERE!!!" and even Steve didn't see his little head being born. No one but me saw him come into this world. It was quite magical. My midwife didn't even have her gloves on, when she checked him out for the first time... and remarked that it was good that we were friends already. Brody was very colicky, super fussy, and kind of a pain for about 6 weeks of his life.... and well, to be honest, he is still kind of that way, but we love him! He is hysterical when he talks to you, he says the funniest things. He is proving to be a lot like Isaiah when it comes to sports. He is VERY competitive, and most things having to do with a ball come naturally for him. He is my biggest helper when it is pick up time, and he always puts things right where they belong. I am looking forward with great anticipation to the little man he will become. But for now, for always, I guess, he will be our baby! We love you little man! Happy birthday!

A Rebel?

Last night, someone called me a rebel. Me? A rebel?
 
I like to think of myself more as a free thinker, someone who doesn't take everything at face value, but searches for the truth.
 
No, there is no way I am a rebel. Pot stirrer, maybe... but rebel?
 





Well, maybe just a little rebel.

 

camp out update:

Every one stayed ALL night in the tents... Brody came in around 6:30am, and every one else followed about an hour later. Good times were had by all! And currently three of the five of mine are sound asleep!

friday night baseball

 

flaming feet

 
this is my favorite picture of the night. i took it without a flash, by firelight. it exposed for approximately ten seconds. the movement of brody's feet, and my camera produced a cool effect that makes his feet look like they are on fire.

Saturday night camp out

Robin, Steve, and I set up a total of three tents between our yards. For 7 kids. Yep, both the little boys are asleep in the tent right now.
 
And you can't have a camp out without a fire and s'mores!
 

how easy.

so, last night i was at a baseball game (duh), and someone hurt my feelings. i don't know why i let it bug me, but i did. it was stupid really, they just sort of snapped at me, and it wasn't really even mean, never the less, it stung. and he knew it. and then something happened that is a rarity in today's society. he looked at me, and said, "I'm sorry." how easy was that?! i have thought about it quite a bit since last night, repeated the words over in my head, and the impact they had on my heart. hearing the words. it doesn't happen much anymore. so often people are only interested in being right, or they save their i'm sorry for the cyber world, or the phone. there is something VERY powerful about looking someone in the eye, and saying, i'm sorry. seriously. how easy.

Story of the day

WEIGHT
This only weighs a lot if you've forgotten to do the stuff you wanted to do all along.
-- story people
(quite fitting, given the weight on my heart lately.)

"When a poor person dies of hunger, it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed. We have refused to be instruments of love in the hands of God to give the poor a piece of bread, to offer them a dress with which to ward off the cold. It has happened because we did not recognize Christ when, once more, he appeared under the guise of pain, indentified with a man numb from the cold, dying of hunger, when he came in a lonely human being, in a lost child in search of a home."

- Mother Teresa

what has been seen, cannot be unseen

 
the reality of that weighs heavy on my heart. i cannot pretend i do not know, haven't heard, don't see, because i have. and it doesn't matter that i know my life would be a whole lot easier if i hadn't seen, i have. and when i close my eyes, the faces and places that come to my mind don't let me forget.
africa.
i have seen you, and you cannot be unseen.
now, if someone could please explain to me how to make my other half see, i would really appreciate it.